Self-Isolation:The Temptation to Withdraw

As Becometh Holiness, Author Calandra Miller
May 25
7 min read

Updated: Jun 10

Hello Friends! Do you have time for a short journey?

When I started As Becometh Holiness I wanted it to be a space where we could tell our stories and share goodness in a safe space. I pray this has been a safe space for you and look forward to hearing stories from our readers. I hope as you read part of my journey, you will be able to see the goodness that came from it and perhaps see how you might be able to have a similar outcome in your situation if you can relate.

In my youth, I was shy and quiet. Talking to people was a no-go. It was who I was, but not something I understood. Why can't you talk? Why can't you have friends? In most spaces, I felt like a ghost. I was there but no one saw me. There was always a struggle to break free and be social, but not a strong enough will to do so. I would always shrink back. It wasn't worth the risk. I'm quiet by nature, but there are times when I purposely withdraw myself from those around me and hide within myself. Trapped in my own mind. Is this your story too? Then maybe you are experiencing self-isolation.

What is self-isolation? Self-isolation is a coping mechanism and is different from solitude or being a quiet person by nature. Self-isolation is making the choice that being by oneself feels safer and more secure than being in social situations that could possibly be triggering. Solitude is time taken with the intent of meditating, spending time alone for a time, having time alone to rest, to have time alone to refresh, or to reset. A person can spend many years in self-imposed isolation without others in their community knowing. Self-isolation can be physical or mental.self-imposed

Traumatic situations, mental health conditions, shyness, low self-confidence, social anxiety, or poor self-esteem can cause a person to self-isolate. Let me first acknowledge that I am one who is familiar with the temptation to isolate. Situations that include conflict and anger are hot buttons that can set off a bout of self-isolation. My set default became to withdraw and to stand aloof. I got accustomed to being alone and dealing with loneliness in a way that was unhealthy. It was unhealthy in that it kept me from forming lasting relationships. Self-isolation can destroy relationships and keep you from meaningful friendships and growth.

I can remember when I made the decision that I no longer wanted to hide. I had a come to Jesus meeting with myself in a college class I was attending. I decided that I was not going to get anywhere in life if I didn't talk. I began to put myself in situations where I had to speak. If I was in church, I would sing outloud under my breath. Hey, this was a huge step! If I had to give a report in class, I was the first to raise my hand. I became an ursher in my congregation. I had made a step and God met me the rest of the way.

Isolating is a spiritual issue but is manifested in checking out, withdrawing, putting up walls, or setting unrealistic boundaries for others to follow. In social situations, this person would secretly love to converse and laugh with others, but on the other side of the coin, projects strong "don't approach me" vibes. Do you know anyone like this? Is this you?

As I think about mental health awareness, I think about this part of my journey and the length of time it took to manage self-isolation in a way that allowed the formation of loving relationships with my family and community. It was not overnight. It was not without struggle. But the turnaround started with me. Had I sought help or could voice what I needed during that time, it may not have taken me so long to manage. However, I would not have this testimony of strength and resilience without the struggle. As I sat in a training class about mental health at work, I learned that mental health is more than just the presence of a diagnosed mental illness. Mental health is about your overall well-being (emotional, physical, social and psychological well-being.)

Here are five tips I use to keep myself from falling into the temptation of self-imposed isolation. Of course, there are more tips you could call upon; however, these tips saved my life. You might think them basic, but they are powerful tools for combating self-isolation.

Tip #1 - Clean Up

It has been scientifically proven that a clean environment has a positive effect on the way we think. Often, the state of our environment reflects the state of our mind. Clean the spaces you dwell in daily. This helps you to have a clean, peaceful environment to come home too. I mean really clean it and make up your bed. Cleaning gets you out of the realm of procrastination and into a healthy routine. Starting in a clean environment can help clear the mind.

Tip #2 - Turn On The Lights

Sitting in the dark deepens the feelings of depression, loneliness, anxiety etc. Turn on the bright lights! Light a candle. There is no darkness in the light. Please don't sit in the dark and allow damaging thoughts to war with your mind, turn your lights on. The light chases away the dark clouds that seem to oppress you when you are feeling mental angst.

Matthew 5:14 Ye are the light of the world. A city that is set on an hill cannot be hid.

This scripture comes to my mind. I would think to myself how can I be a light if I'm always hiding. It was convicting and I asked God for help, you can too.

Tip #3 - Open Up

Open yourself. Open your room door and keep it open. Self-isolation or removing yourself from the company of people that love you is harmful. This can look like wearing headphones around the house so that you will not have to communicate with people. It can also look like keeping a closed door in a house with other family members because you do not care to engage. Keeping the door open, it says "Yes, I am here and ready to engage."

Tip #4 - Be Honest

Listening to, watching, and playing games that are violent or sexualized can be damaging to the mind. It can make you feel miserable. Hanging around people who use you, making you feel bad, and influencing you to do wrong can take you to a dark place as well. Being honest about ourselves and our environment is a first level of acknowledgment that things are not going as you would like them to go. When you can acknowledge there is a problem, you can begin to work on solutions.

Tell the truth. When you tell the truth, people can’t use things to hold you hostage. Think to yourself, no matter what I do, my parents and my God will love me anyway. They will take care of me because that’s the truth. Stand up for the truth. Choose the truth every time all day. The truth holds power a lie cannot withstand. When we walk in the truth, we walk in reality and are not stuck in our minds.

Tip #5 - Change Your Environment

Our environment has a great influence on our mood and emotions. A dark room has a different feeling than a room that is light, airy and clean. Being in the wrong environment can change your mood from calm to anxiety in a matter of seconds. Being in the wrong environment affects your thoughts. Not only is changing our environment important, but changing our minds is imperative to overcoming challenges. When I decided to live for Christ and changed my thinking to what God said about me, I began to manage self-isolation. One of the environments I fully immersed myself in was church.

The Great Pretender

Pretending became natural. Some call it wearing a mask or giving people what they want to see while inwardly you are someone different. Pretending made self-isolation a lifestyle. I became great at pretending nothing was wrong. Even when we seek to be open, the doors of our minds can automatically shut. Be honest about your fears and desires.

After years of living in self-isolation, the only person that could free me was me, because no one else knew what I was dealing with. I began to do things I loved, started learning an instrument, and I began to seek the Lord more earnestly. I am still quiet by nature but no longer cripplingly shy. It took honesty and internal work to get to a point where I was not self-isolating but recognized the temptation and the triggers that could send me back. Does the temptation come back occasionally? Yes. You can't control other people and how they may trigger you. I only have control of my own thoughts. Rather than focus on the trigger, I choose to focus on the freedom I feel and holding meaningful relationships without having to wear a mask of deception. I can finally be my authentic self no matter what person or situation I face. The temptation to withdraw is just that, a temptation which I choose not to participate in. Through Christ Jesus, I have a different set of tools to use to deal with temptation. You can be an overcomer too.

“A great fire burns within me, but no one stops to warm themselves at it, and passers-by only see a wisp of smoke.” —Vincent Van Gogh

Out Of The Dark

Today, I am walking in the light. The fire that burns within me can now warm the hearts of others. Since coming out of the dark, I am no longer afraid to risk love. Love is not something to be feared, but a life to be lived. I am not only a member of a wonderful community, but I also have an amazing family. I have various occupations in my community (coordinator, administrative assistant, advisor, confidant, teacher, etc.), which I would never have imagined before making the decision to be seen. Memories are no longer my cellmates. It is good to be alive again.

Ezekiel 37 (5)Thus saith the Lord God unto these bones; Behold, I will cause breath to enter into you, and ye shall live:

If you are struggling with mental illness or your mental health, please get help. If you are a professional organization or non-profit that helps individuals with mental health struggles, please contact us so that we can add you to our resource page. Thank you for reading!